THIRTYTONORMAL

the difference

2010
6 Comments

It’s looking like I won’t have to go help out after all, so no excuses there for going off plan.

I was pretty hungry yesterday which is typical for my second day.  No cravings, though.  I just keep thinking about getting down another size and wanting to get to 175 by the end of the year.

I probably shouldn’t name a number since it never, ever works out for me.  And I’ll be okay if I don’t get there by the end of the year.   I can wish and work for it, but the body is going to do what the body is going to do. I feel like I should be DONE with the losing weight part.  It’s been a year and I really THOUGHT a year ago that I’d be at my initial goal of 154.  :(

I am ecstatic, though, to be down 40 pounds from a year ago.  And to have stayed within a couple of pounds of that 40 pound loss despite my worst efforts.  The best thing about the loss is that I feel like ME.

I’m going through photos to put on Christmas cards and to put together calendars as gifts, and I have DOZENS of pictures of myself that not only am I willing to keep, but I’m willing to put them out there to be seen by everybody AND displayed all.year.long.

I know I still have pounds to go before I quit working on the losing, but this first 40 truly was the MOST IMPORTANT.  It’s the difference between regular size clothing and plus size.  It’s the difference between being comfortable in an airline seat and hating to fly because the seat is too small (notice it was the seat’s fault.)  It’s the difference between being able to do the 30 DS with no problems and DYING the first day I tried it.  It’s the difference between being able to do the four hills on the walk and not being able to make it up from the lake without stopping several times.  It’s the difference between being able to stand up without assistance after being on floor playing with the grandkids and having to walk on my knees over to the nearest piece of furniture to have something to hang onto so I could stand up.

I DO want more and I WILL get there, but regardless of not getting to goal yet, I’m SO happy I really am on my way.

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Walk on by …

2010
10 Comments

I’ve been reading a mystery book that talks a LOT about cupcakes.  And then I go to the bank this morning and NEXT DOOR is a new shop that only sells CUPCAKES.  And I have to walk past the display window with lots and lots and lots of yummy lookin CUPCAKES.

AND I have never, ever seen a cupcake shop before.  Never.  I’ve never, ever bought a cupcake from a bakery that SPECIALIZES in cupcakes (so we KNOW they must be melt-in-your-mouth delicious).

And I don’t know if I’ve ever mentioned to all of you before that I.LOVE.CAKE.  And did I mention these were VERY.SPECIAL.CUPCAKES.

But it was all good.  I walked past, noted the presence of the store, and went into the bank.  No problem.  At all.  How awesome is that?

I don’t have any idea why it was so easy because I hadn’t eaten anything yet this morning and I was hungry.  It’s like it didn’t even compute in my mind.

Strange because a week ago the talking to myself would have gone like this:

OMG … cupcakes … YUM … I need some … I deserve some! … I haven’t had breakfast … these could be breakfast AND lunch … I’ve been SO good … I DO deserve it!

But not now.  Now I can walk on by.  It’s SO good to be in control today.  :)

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handled with class, even if I do say so myself :)

2010
7 Comments

I had a situation on Monday with an extended family member.  He was estranged, by his choice, from the family for a number of years and several years ago decided to join in again in family activities.  This was fine with everybody, most especially me (the world’s most non-confrontational person).  For some reason he decided to email my kids on Monday and tell them that the reason he wasn’t “there” for them all those years was because of me.

Normally with these kind of things I get emotional and defensive (even when I have nothing to get defensive about … see how defensive I get???).  He doesn’t know my kids well, though, because they all called and/or emailed me and said WTH because my kids do know me.  The funny thing is that he went through this convoluted explanation about some of the crap he’s pulled over the years, trying to justify it.  He obviously thought that my kids knew the stuff he’d done, but they didn’t because there was never any reason why they should.  (I wish I didn’t know some of the crap he’d done.)

But instead of reacting by eating (which wouldn’t help anyway), I decided to exercise and while I was exercising I came to a few conclusions.  The first was that the thing that bothers me most about this person is that everything is always everybody else’s fault.  And I didn’t want to be like that and overeat and blame it on him because then I’d be doing what I was complaining about.  The second thing was that calling my sisters and whining and sniveling to them about how unfair he was to blame me was also just like something he would do, plus would perpetuate this whole thing which I absolutely did not want to do.  The third was that everything isn’t all about me (I know … that was a surprise to me too :) ).  To give him the benefit of the doubt, I will take what he ended with, that he wanted my kids to know that he did love them.  Doesn’t matter what else he said in the email, that’s the only thing that counts.  :)

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