seeing a weight for the first time on the way down, than seeing it the second (or third or fourth ).

The first time I got out of the 190′s on this journey I was ecstatic.  I thought I looked unbelievable.  I was thinking if I looked this good at 186, I’d be awesome at 156 (normal BMI).

A lot of that was because I was 40 pounds down from my high.  So, yeah, compared to 40 pounds heavier I did look unbelievable.

This time, though, I’ve been around this weight for a year and frankly I’m not thinking I look so unbelievable any more.

I know, intellectually, that I look a lot better than I did 40 pounds overweight.  But my perspective is now that THIS is my starting weight.  Not 40 pounds ago.  I can’t hang my hat on … hooray for me I lost 40 pounds … because I’ve got at least 30 more to lose.

And this is really good for me.  It gets me off my “good-enough”  attitude and back to my “I can do this” belief.

I have to say I’m loving the lean protein/vegetables way of eating.  I may have a very small amount of sugar/flour one time during the week (this week I had a couple of bites of an excellent carrot cake which was yummy), but I’m finding I can have a taste or two and I’m satisfied.  I’m trying to make nothing totally off limits. As I’ve said before the last time I lost weight it was a M&M cookie that did me in … ate it, it didn’t taste that good, so ate another and another until it DID taste good … I really believe that if I had had some here and there the cookie would not have been the beginning of the end for me because I would have been dealing with sugar (albeit in extremely limits amounts) all along.

Yesterday we packed up the rest of the goodies to send out.  They’ve been in the freezer … homemade candy and cookies and cakes … and honestly I never even once considered grabbing something (and trust me there were LOTS of something’s to grab).  Even while we were packing (12 packages … it’s a family thing) I didn’t have a desire for any.  Even when there were … gasp … things left over I didn’t feel the need to even things out by eating the extra here and there.  Such a nice place to be.

I did have a qualm yesterday when everything was packed away, thinking that I’d lost my opportunity to indulge.  But it was a fleeting thought which the only reason I’m mentioning is because that’s kind of always how my mind has worked … as long as I could have the food if I wanted then I usually choose not to have it.  But if I see it disappearing out the door, it triggers that childhood thing of “oh my gosh it’s gone … forever”.  Of course, as an adult I realize that no food is “gone forever”.

In reading other people’s blogs I realize that I’m weird in this way.  Most people do better not having the trigger food in their abode at all.  I like knowing I have the choice.  Speaking of which, that cupcake is still in the freezer.  Supposedly it’s good for six months so I might have it for my birthday in the spring.